Lynsey -- Days 2-5

Last year, through the fine and exact (or final and extreme, depending on how you look at it) art of divorce, I became a single mom.  Obviously this was not the plan years ago when my children were born, but when the inivitable happened and my unit of four became a little team of three, there was plenty of good that came with the change and we are learning how to navigate this path, no matter how unintended it was.

That said, it’s never easy.  The little changes that you don’t think much about are the hardest to get used to.  If someone has a nightmare, it’s me and only me that gets up to comfort and calm.  If library books and school lunches are to be remembered and I forget, there is no back-up plan in place.  There are absolutely no sick days, no regulated 15 minute breaks, and positively no dull  (or restful) moments.  The times where I used to walk (run) away from it all and hop in the car for a 20 minute drive to blow off steam after their father got home from work, have become 10 minutes of locking myself in my closet, pillow over my head, tears rolling down my face, kids screaming on the other side of the door.  Occasional sleep-in days have been replaced with a new 8 cup a day coffee habit.  The ability to have one parent run a midnight errand for Children’s Motrin while the other stayed with sick kiddos has become me trying to be prepared for anything in advance, and when I fail, leaning on my close village of family and friends to handle the co-parenting tasks that this single parent can’t always do alone.

The ex-husband and I have a relationship that ebbs and flows.  Moments of putting anger and resentments aside and relying on a friendship that is a decade and a half in the making, often give way to moments of remembering why this single parent situation happened in the first place.  For all the books there are on divorce and co-parenting, there are no books on your divorce and your co-parenting except for the one you are continuously writing yourself each day. The one where there is no skipping ahead a couple of chapters to remind yourself that it all works out.  And all the patience in all the world can’t change someone into being what you need them to be, if they were never that in the first place.

Yesterday I had a sick kiddo, which isn’t a big deal.  I was somewhat prepared, stocked well with meds and juice, and had a friend waiting in the wings for a Target run, if needed.  I was enjoying those quiet moments camped out on the sofa you get with a sick babe that remind you of just how precious and amazing this parenting thing is.  Around 9pm things took a crazy turn and when a situation of coughing up blood started, it was clear that I would be having my first ever solo parenting night that involved a very sick kid, another perfectly well and sleeping kid, an ER trip, cashing in a lot of favors and really long night.  It was this type of night that I knew would happen at some point, but was exactly the kind of thing that terrified me about this single mom gig—knowing it was out there in the distance and that I would have to figure it all out on my own.

But…..

Favors were called in. The medical expert in my village pointed me in the right direction.  Grandma, who lives a mile away for this exact reason, did a late night commute over to slumber on my sofa so that the well kid didn’t have to be woken and dragged along.  And…..I made decisions.  Without a back-up, without the other parent available or here to help me or reassume me that I was doing the right thing, that everything would be fine, I created a plan of action all by myself.  It sounds so small saying it now, but in the moment when you are the only person to make choices for a completely dependent creature, it’s scary.  Scary wrapped up in a big ball of Frustration over even being in the situation, with a side of This Is Total And Complete BS that you’re doing it alone.  Served with a tall glass of Tired. 

But…….

Dessert is a piece of Empowerment with chocolate sauce.  Because you can.  And you do.  And then you realize you are better at this than you thought, more prepared than you realized and more capable than you give yourself credit for.

The village comes through--they always do.  Grandma likes being needed and it's a good reminder that she is.  Kids are grateful for their Mama and no matter how much she is questioning herself, they are only in complete trust of her.  The boy that makes everything better offers to help, even though he doesn’t have to.  And even though you don’t take him up on it, the offer itself reminds you that you are not as alone as you feel.

And it’s not that scary after all.

Lynsey -- Day 1: It's nice to meet you. :)

Hi.   I’m Lynsey.  It’s good to be here.  I really like what Lyric has done with the place.  That bird thing happening on the right is just magical.

So, something that scares me every day for 30 days......folks, I’m going to be honest—not a bunch scares me, and what does tends to be really boring.  For example, I’m a bit frightened by multivitamins.  I’m fairly certain they aren’t really regulated in any way, and do you know just how much craziness they could fit in a pill that huge?  You take one and  5 hours later, you’ve been roofied and you are laying in the hospital trying to tell everyone that all you did is take a multivitamin and no one believes you.  That’s scary stuff.  Way more scary to me than a tattoo.  Of which I have many.  So there probably won’t be a big tattoo post.:)

Today I got bangs.  I know what you’re thinking…SAY THIS ISN’T SO!!!  SAY THAT YOU WEREN’T SO HASTY THAT YOU JUST CHOPPED SOME HAIR OFF OF YOUR HEAD!!!!  But it’s true.  That’s the kind of girl I am—throwing caution to the wind like that.  I had been thinking about it for a while—weighing the pros and cons.  It’s hair, people.  This is serious stuff.  Just because it grows back doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t obsess over it as though it were a house purchase or military enrollment.  Ultimately I decided to go for it, if for no other reason than to have something to blog about today in case I wimped out of the scary thing I was really planning which was these:

Oh my.  Do I ever hate that side of the camera.  The other side is much easier.  But, I needed some new shots for the book I am writing (okay, fine.  For Facebook.  I needed a new profile picture for Facebook.) and this seemed like just as good a place as any to start my 30 days.  Plus, now I get to show you all my fresh bangs.;)

After a really miserable photo session years ago, I try to avoid having my picture taken, especially by a professional.  I'm picky about camera phones.  I've figure out a way to avoid any type of group shoot by offering to take the picture myself.  I've been known to yank cameras out of peoples hands to delete the picture I am in.  Boy, does that really irritate them.

Self-confidence issue?  Sure.  I also just don't think I photograph well.  I have a hard time getting comfortable and being myself around people, and a camera between us certainly doesn't help the situation.  And there is this issue with the fact that I am not exactly thrilled about this new wrinkle thing that is happening on my face.  Or this patch of grey hair on the right side of my head that I assume must be a tumor or something and the patch is just how it is manifesting itself on the outside.

But I did it.  I had a photographer friend that has been wanting to trade pictures for a while and I finally caved and took her up on it.  And we walked around and talked about parenting and life and sex and clothes and jobs, and took pictures and it really wasn't all that bad.

Plus......I dig the bangs.  I am no longer scared to change my hair at a moments notice. 

And I'm working through the picture thing. :)

Tomorrow I may do something really crazy.  Like take a multivitamin.  Stay tuned--you wouldn't want to miss that. ;)

Beth/Lyric signing off!

Well, well, well.  Those 30 Freaking Days went by hella fast!  I didn't exactly get to blog as many times as I'd hoped because I was busy doing things that were dipped in crazysauce.

Without writing a novel here, I'll recap my last couple of weeks:

I signed up for a Hula Hooping Class.
While I realize this wouldn't scare most people, I had a bad experience attempting to draw out the hula from my hoop one time.  I was with a couple of friends, having henna done for my Minutes With You album and the henna artist basically forced me into giving it a whirl.  I couldn't do it.  She kept trying & trying, saying she'd never met anyone who couldn't.  I was so uncomfortable and almost started to cry.  One of my friends came over and said "Hula Hooping is your dominoes", explaining that she could never figure out the little dotted rectangle game.  That sentiment still cracks me up!

I contacted several Song Publishers.
When I first moved to Nashville about 16 months ago, I thought I wanted to get a publishing deal, meaning a publishing company would pay me to write songs for them to pitch to other artists.  I quickly realized that in a town where a lot of writers should be working in a bakery if they enjoy cookie cutters so much,  I'm more valuable as an artist who writes their own quirky material.  Adding some dried berries to your dough never hurt nobody!

But I have a small collection of songs that I thought might be worth playing for some publishers, so I scheduled some meetings to play my little tune tots for them.  Guess what song they liked best?  Streetlighting.  A song I'm putting on my personal EP.  I will take this feedback as reassurance that I'm on the right track.

I put a blue patch in my hair two days before a photo shoot.
And I'm so happy I did.  Thanks to Cindy Kaza-Redmond for giving me edgy hair for the first time in my life.  :)  And major props to Lynsey Peterson (assisted by Blake Cannon) for MAKING effing clouds for our shoot.  It's refreshing & inspiring to have creative friends who fully embrace your vision...even when it's homemade indoor clouds.

I asked people for help.
This is NOT something I'm great at.  I'm a do-it-yourselfer at heart, and tend to shy away from asking people for assistance when I can work hard and figure things out on my own.  But I'm attending SXSW this month in Austin, Texas and I really need to have some great recordings to hand out to people I meet there.  Being that every piece of the project puzzle is damn expensive, I knew that I needed to humble myself and do a little online busking...either that or be in debt for the next year.  So last night, I launched a LYRIC EVERLY KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN.  People have been incredibly generous already and I'm so thankful for the support!  The scary part is that if I don't reach my total goal by March 31st, none of the donations go through.  I'll be holding my breath for the next 29 days!

I got a tattoo!
And I haven't told my Mom about it yet.  :)  On the 30th day of this blog, I went to Black 13 Tattoo Parlor here in Nashville with a very specific request.  The word "Now", placed on my left wrist.  It's a reminder to myself to not put things off, to live in the moment, and to do things that scare me.  I'm a huge typography nerd, and Marty "Riet" McEwen drew up the most beautiful, embellished script letters that please me so.

I just want to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to each of you who read this blog while I pushed myself these last four weeks.  I did a lot of things that I've always wanted to do, but never had the nerve.  Plastic surgery, a name change, my first tattoo.  No big deal.  :)  It's easy to put life & dreams off until tomorrow.  I prefer Now.